Spent close to an hour on a a one way street by a mountain crying my life away in frustration and anguish. Anger, and dare I use the word helpless. Sometimes I feel like the strongest person in the world and other times I feel so defeated and cowardly. All I want is to be held and kissed and have my deepest fears assuaged. Be encouraged and lifted up. Loved on and acknowledged. Appreciated. Im surrounded by people , loved ones all the time , but its so mechanic and robotic , I'm experiencing bouts of loneliness. Insecurity is trying to rear its ugly head, and I'm afraid I'm not being oblivious. I sense my best friend and companion changing on me, and the feeling of not being wanted anymore haunts me as each platonic day we spend together drifts by. I have no money. A jar full of coins I steal from others ; my bank. Not sure why I have a brand new phone with no job and no one to talk to . I really wonder when the hallucinations of the past will stop bullying me. The feeling of purpose-less life coupled with the ' I am Nothings ' can't be healthy. I'm convinced all of this is the enemy trying to manipulate my heart and my mind that have been so pressed and focused on Christ. I dislike discontentment & dissatisfaction. Am I praying for everyone else and their dreams, goals, situations, adversities, hurts, and discomforts so much that I'm neglecting mine ? I don't want my found happiness to be shaken and rattled like this. I don't want the love I have found to be so easily scathed.