Five Questions Fathers Should Ask their Future Sons in Law

1. Are you going to take care of my daughter financially?
I want you to work hard, provide for her and your family, and never use money as a weapon. Many divorces are a result of money issues. She doesn’t have to live in a Taj Mahal, but she should have a safe and comfortable home, clothing and food.

2. Are you going to take care of her mentally?
I know how smart she is right now, and you should too. I want her to be smarter after living with you than she is now. You should challenge her mentally, encourage her, build her up, help her to achieve her goals, and assist her in growing closer to God in wisdom and knowledge.

3. Are you going to take care of her emotionally?
Two things will destroy your marriage: self-centeredness and bitterness. Guard against these. Inside my daughter’s heart is a round hole I call “emotional need.” Inside of your heart as a man is a square peg that is somehow going to have to “fit” with her.  Are you willing to knock off the edges of that square peg in order to fulfill her emotional requirements? She doesn’t think or react like you do. You may see something and laugh — she may see it and cry. You may say something that you thought was the sweetest thing in the world, and it may make her madder than a hornet! God designed you to be the one who can meet her needs; are you willing to guard against self-centeredness and bitterness and take care of my daughter’s emotional needs?

4. Are you going to take care of her physically?
 As a father, it has been my job to protect my “princess.” As her husband, your job is to protect your “queen.” I want to know that if someone threatened her, you would step in front of her. And protecting her physically also means intimately. What you see on TV, the movies and pornography — that is not real life. Don’t get kinky or stupid with my daughter. And it goes without saying that she had better never live in fear of you physically! Just take care of her in every way possible.

5.  Last and perhaps most importantly — Are you going to take care of her spiritually?
Do you know that in the Bible, it tells men to love their wives 33 times? But it tells wives to love their husbands only twice. You are asking for my daughter’s hand. I know what a woman of God she is right now. When I place her hand in yours in marriage, I am no longer responsible for her spiritual health and training. One day, after living together for many, many years — you are going to present her hand to God. Will she be more of a godly woman than the day I gave her to you? Your job is to be the spiritual leader of your family and raise your children (my grandchildren) according to God’s design. When you meet God in heaven one day, I want him to smile and say, “They are better after having lived with you.”

"If you can take care of my daughter financially, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, then you have my blessing. If you can’t do these five things — I need to know now."

- John Croyle